It's been a long time since I last blogged... This might even be the last time I'm going to blog...

As I'm typing this, I cannot control my eyes. I got out of the room as quickly as i could when I typed..."If I had one wish, I wished I were back in vs..."

I really miss VS. Life was perfect. Academics, CCA, gaming, sports, friends, classmates, schoolmates, teachers...and even bgr. I really felt it was the best place I ever could be. I swear if there's still a VS in future, I'll send my son there. However, it was the place I had my happiest but also my saddest moments of my life... I lost a loved one there. There are times when I just can't help it but let out some tears...

Now, I totally fucked up my life. Made a really bad mistake at the start of the year that caused my relationship to plunge... Not doing tutorials, poning some school days... I even feel stress from my CCA. I totally have zero motivation to study. Everyday I go home, I bury myself in the "luxury" of using the com. A price has to be paid. I'm loss for words. How did I land myself into this bottomless pit of agony?

If life was a dream, then I rather snap out of this. Right now. Been having headaches quite often now. Part of me wished that it's a tumor. Part of me even wish to be not able to see the daylight the next day anymore... But all these thoughts are selfish. I know how it feels like to lose a loved one. I don't want anyone who love me to go through this pain. It really hurts...

Boys don't cry. Boys who do are wimps. But my tears seem to come from an endless well. Even wiping my laptop makes me sad. My favourite word is rue, and I liked it when I learned it at secondary three. I regret not spending more time with him... I regret making that mistake... Why can't we turn back time?...why?

If there's a higher being out there, erase the memories of me from everyone's heads and erase my memories too. Please...

For saying that...Sorry mum, sorry dad, sorry to all who love me.

I'm going to bathe now. Hopefully a hot bath can ease my pain...


My eyes hurt. Do yours hurt too?
Give me your pain. I can take it.
Even if I can't, I still will.
Cause to me, the only thing that matters...
Is you to be happy.
I love you.