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Fuck it.

Just reached home only ard an hour ago, but yet my perception of my eldest brother has changed. Drastically. Before NS, he was the overbearing, hated and useless brother in my mind. During NS, or rather, before he started playing World of Warcraft, he became a reasonable, likeable and desirable brother I always wanted to have. This little wish of mine I had since young, is now frozen back to nothing but a wish. It was granted, but not for long. Now, to me, he's just a fucked up brother that has just lost all my respect.

I used the computer for just 10 mins. A fucking short period of time, don't you think? And unfortunately, the asshole came home.

"Can I use the com? I want to watch soccer on the com."

"But I just started using not long ago." (Obviously, I was still in my jeans.)

"I want to watch soccer on the com now leh."

"I'm going to play warcraft 3 with my friends."

"You go use the laptop can?"

"The laptop is really laggy, why don't you use the laptop to watch soccer?"

"Cause I want to play WoW(World of Warcraft)." Now that's the real reason why he wanted the laptop. Fucking liar, piece of shit. And he goes on saying...

"I'm going to go out tomorrow, and you can play tomorrow."

"Tomorrow is christmas eve, of course I'm going out too."

"I'm going out on christmas."

"Obviously, I'm also going out on christmas too.'' (My family has no habit of celebrating christmas btw)

And he shows me a fucking face, and says,"Let me play."

"I didn't come home for two days, and you can't even let me play awhile?"

"That's none of my buisness that you're not home." This really pissed me off. I didn't even touch the com for two days, and he can't even let me play now? Is that reasonable? Is that what a brother should do?

I just kept quiet, but my mind was in total pandemonion. I couldn't believe he said that. Really, not even if time was rewound, countless time. Within a few seconds, I made up my mind. I was damn pissed at that moment. I said "Fine. Go use the com" and I stormed out of the room.

In my ire, I didn't realise I slammed my room door. I stayed in my room, speechless. He didn't even say anything when I left the room, as if he had all the reason and morals in this world. Well, if right was him, then no one is right. I then decided to take the laptop to blog about this incident. I opened my room door, grabbed the laptop, and again, unknowingly slammed the room door. But I knew, part of me wanted to show him how angry I was...and how a fucking useless brother he was. I don't even know why I'm addressing as "brother", when he's not worthy to be one. Who the fuck bought him meals when he was on crutches? Who the fuck accompanied him to the polyclinic early in the morning to dress his wound? Did I complain? No. Did I ask for anything in return? No. What did I do to deserve such treatment from him? God, give me an answer.

Maybe God took pity on me, and came to my side. For this, I truly thank him. The slamming of my door woke my dad up. And my dad caught him playing or something to that extent. In other words, he couldn't use the com. Now, guess what. He became the nice guy! WoW!

*Knocks on my room door. "Open the door."

"Fuck you."

"What fuck me? You want to use the com right? Go use la!"

"For what? I alrdy set up the laptop, asshole."

"Now I'm the asshole? You slammed the door and woke papa up." Haha, that was the best thing I've heard from the useless shithole(his mouth) of his. I'll admit. I was laughing deep in my heart. But yet at the same time, I was still fuming.

After that he kept insisting I slammed the door, while I kept denying. Fine, I did slam the door.(In my fury, I seriously didn't realise it.) So what? You expect me to close the door nicely? Besides, if I had half the mind to slam the door, the sound caused wouldn't be of that volume. I swear.

Well, that kind of sums up the incident. My mum talked to me shortly after, saying that I have a quick temper and stuff. If I had a quick temper, I wouldn't have erupted today. This shit happens quite often after he started playing WoW. But my mum didn't take his side. She said NOTHING in his favour. She did NOT rebut me when I scolded my brother in her face. My mum's a reasonable woman. Honestly. Finally, she left the conversation saying, "I cannot stand the both of you."

It's not about playing or not. It's just the lack of reason in his "commanding" of his younger brother...Me. Not only now, but since I was young...

Respect? Gone. Hatred? Resurfaced. Look fucker, you want my respect? You fucking earn it, but I can tell you, this time, it's going to be much fucking harder. I hope you read this...bro.

Reminiscing, I can still remember the good times... Maybe that's why I still call my brother, brother.




Where were you..?